Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
