why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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