he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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