Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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