You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize