My pussy is not your playground.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
