you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
