after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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