My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you didnt know i had herpes?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
