I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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