Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
