He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
