I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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