HIV tests are more positive than that guy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
