Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
bring money and cleavage
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
