At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
