Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize