I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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