he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
