Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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