"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
