I think my fart just growled at me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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