too bad you live with your parents still
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
