i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
