everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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