and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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