I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I understand Curling. That high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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