you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
