my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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