My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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