i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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