either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
