she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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