i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize