hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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