"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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