Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
