she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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