i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
