Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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