ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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