How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
