If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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