youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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