Me too!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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