I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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