"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
