How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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