Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
