so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
