that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
two words: eviction party
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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