You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
