I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
