Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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