I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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