He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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