He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I want a musical about memes.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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