It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How naked do you want me to be?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
