How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
