I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
