he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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