dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
