What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the day after is always just damage control
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
