Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
