I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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