I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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