Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
