we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
