she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
