Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
