Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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