Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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