There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
