Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I looked at my own cervix.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
