ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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