she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
