I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
